2009... My Time to Shine!

When I turned 30 in 2008, I remember thinking I was really an adult, finally. It actually felt like Wisdom came and sat on my shoulders. I understood a lot about life and why I did certain things when I was younger and wiser now at 30 to never do them again...some of them ;)! However my real life lesson started that next year, in 2009. So many things I'd been working on achieving for the past years were not manifesting, no matter how hard I trained and worked, certain relationships were not turning out to be the best for me, and on top of it all I started that year losing one of the most important people in my life. Not a good start ugh!! I started to question God and religion, moral issues, certain preachers, and how a Christian's life is suppose to go. I was at cross road in my life where I felt I did all that God wanted me to do and I was, for some reason stuck in the same place. I soon found out why.

One thing you should know, starving artist... really starve, LOL! For that reason when ever I would get money I would put it away, or shall we say stash it, and never do anything for myself, or for my craft. I was so worried about never having enough money, that it was driving me crazy. It got so bad that I would really think long and hard about going to catch a 10 dollar movie, or going to get a burrito from one of my favorite places, Chipolte. I would tithe but when it came down to only having a little money after my tithes, the worry monster came out and started to debate with me; God understands, pay him a little this week and the rest when you get some more money, just drop an IOU in the collection plate it'll be all good! Ummm No, ShaWanna. One day my mother, Sharon, said to me..."ShaWanna you can't serve two masters". I said "Who else am I serving"? She said, "Money". I paused on the phone like what on Earth is she talking about. She said you're not trusting God to take care of you and all of your needs, your depending on the money you have in your account, and she said when that runs out, then what? I remember telling her one day I was only going to try and spend 15 dollars for a week, and I jokingly said I was going to make it rain with these 15 dollars, LMBO! Then she laid into me. I had another friend at the time, Maco Faniel, preaching the same things my mother was preaching. So I took it to the word and meditated. Sure enough I was worshiping money. The real eye opener was that it wasn't all about money, I wasn't letting God work freely in my life, I wasn't trusting him to do his will, and bless me accordingly. So I told God I was giving everything over to him and I was going to trust him. What do you think happened next? The next day God was so happy with that he blessed me with everything I ever wanted?

Ummmm not so easy, it actually became harder. May of 2009, I needed to move within a month. Found a place and I started to need money for everything, moving, 2 deposits (for my Tia) so much other stuff. When I moved into the apt it had no fridge(Like most LA apartments) I had an issue with a cable company's termination fee in which they just took out 400 dollars out of my account. I'm telling you anything you could think of with money happened! Including my cartoon show ending, and not knowing of we were going to get picked up for another season, so now I don't have a job. Yes most of the time I worried, and I remember calling my mother and Maco some days crying, because I didn't understand that if I was giving it to God, why was he putting me through all of this?

At "In His Presence" Church, they were teaching us about 20 20 30 method. Where you praise/worship God for 20 minutes each then study the word for 30 minutes. This started to become the highlight of my morning. They also asked us at church one day who was ready to move up in their career, I stood up and they prayed for us. I knew that day God had an A Amazing future ahead for me and I all of a sudden worried no more. I started to praise God for my situation and I meant it! I thanked him for all I was going through and even when other things came up, I just laughed and forgot about it. In the midst of it all I continued to dream and worked on my dreams becoming reality. I continued to train as an actor, I put things on paper that I wanted to produce, and I continued to write plays that I wanted to see come to life. Good things started to happen.

Southern Girls Production, which is me and my producing partner Lisa Nicole Bell company, was up for a NAACP nomination for our play "Deal Breakers", I started to audition like 3 to 4 times a week. I was getting call backs from network shows and national commercials, and I developed a relationship with a lot of them. I became very strong with auditioning that it was like second nature, I think only actors understand this part right now. Southern Girls started producing another project, a documentary about Black life, I started enjoying life with friends, I was able to go to the movies and Chipolte and not worry ;) I even started to date intelligent, attractive men, that's the best part, J/K! And I have never had to worry about money, clothes, or food.

So many great things happened in 2009, that it made me look back and I saw what God has brought me through; Divorce, He healed me of an illness, the passing of my Granny, certain weaknesses, sinful attitude, and most of all how to trust him. Trusting God is very scary, that's one of the reason I decided to blog, and tell you some of my experiences. I plan to tell you all about what I've been through and where I'm headed. Maybe if it doesn't help you, you can pass it on to someone that it may help.

Today, I'm super strong! I'm amazed at my strength and that's because God took me through deep waters and now I'm cleansed. In 2009 my relationship with God started to Shine...and it's getting brighter everyday!